Monday, 29 July 2013
I read a lot of blogs similar to mine and some that are totally different, but reading another pub blog who's story is so similar to an experience I had a couple of weekends ago in the Victoria Inn I just had to share with you.
This is how the exchange went with the customer almost word for word (I remember it well);
Me behind bar (Red faced hot boss- RFHB): Good afternoon & how are you?
Lady customer with somewhat steely gaze (LCWSSG) Hot!
RFHB - Well what can I suggest in the way of a drink to cool you down? A nice glass of Sauvignon a G & T or something longer......? (Smiling kindly at LCWSSG)
LCWSSG - Water - tap. With ice. And Lemon
RFHB - Certainly Madam (thinking don't suck the lemon, you'll shatter the glass!) and how about the gentleman - what would you like Sir? A nice pint of Tribute!!
LCWSSG - He'll have a half!
RFHB - Certainly Madam (making eye contact with the Husband and smiling almost in sympathy with him)
RFHB - Would you like to see the lunch menu Madam? We are also serving local Sirloin of Beef or local Pork.............
LCWSSG - We'll have the Chicken
RFHB - Chicken? (CHICKEN?? Did the words Chicken come from my mouth when I said what we had??) Chicken?
LCWSSG - Yes - the Roast Chicken
RFHB - Ummmm, (mumbling slightly and looking for signs of a hearing impediment) I'm sorry Madam we don't have any Roast Chicken - Its beautiful local Sirloin of Beef or local Pork
LCWSSG - (She sighs deeply! Customer not me - I'm a professional!) Hurrumph....... (yes, really - hurrumph) then we'll have Lamb. Twice.
RFHB - (Lamb!! Lamb - is the woman a bloody mystery shopper sent from hell!!) Lamb madam?? I'm awfully sorry but we don't have any Roast Lamb or Roast Chicken - we have........ (I'm not telling YOU lot a third time!!)
LCWSSG - Oh really - you had Chicken and Lamb the last time we came!! (By now more sour faced than she was 5 minutes before & husband looking to die - quickly!!)
RFHB - Heavens (speaking far more shrilly than I should at this point, but hysteria was settling like gangrene does - swiftly!) how long ago was that then Madam? (in a teacherish sing song voice)
LCWSSG - Goodness - (turning to dying Husband - clearly giving permission to speak) how long has it been since we were last in saaaaaaalcombe??? (Not waiting for husband to answer) LCWSG said: about 6 or 7 years ago I believe!!
RFHB - Ah (says I at the light dawning on wanting Chicken or Lamb) well before our time Madam, we're just coming up to our 5th year
LCWSSG - Well we had a delightful Sunday carvery then - I jolly well hope your Sunday lunch will be as good..............Beef, Twice!!
I subtly dropped my pen to the floor before surfacing with my best customer face back in place........ I swear, I'm writing a book when I retire - because in the words of a certain Sun journalist - You couldn't make it up!!!!!!!