Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Happy, Happy, Happy???

This is quite a personal post for me this time - so swap pages if you're not that interested in me as a person.............! Oh dear , that sounds a bit confrontational doesn't it.???? Don't mean it to be.

Most people when they meet me either like me or hate me - I'm a definite Marmite person! I have always come across as a very larger than life character, full of life and oomph, very much in control and not scared of anything or anyone......... I once had a manager tell me that I certainly didn't need an assertiveness course as any more assertive and I'd be aggressive.........So you can see my starting block can't you. It's true there are certainly few people I'd afraid of and in my life that has served me well.

When I was about eight years old, my darling Daddy died and it was left to my Mum to bring me up. In common with a lot of kids in that situation I was severely bullied about it and that bullying carried on it to my adult life in one form or another. I was in Junior school - I think about the 2nd term and I was really struggling to understand life. No Daddy and a Mum who was forced to go back to the workplace to support us. I remember so clearly being in a needlework lesson (yea - that's how old I am!!) and I had tried so hard to make this apron, but when cutting a thread I cut the apron itself! My teacher (Miss Stewart) snatched the apron, told me I was 'a stupid girl and that I would never make anything of myself'......................

For most of my adult life I've been surrounded by that sort of re-inforced message from many people in one way or another - until, I met SOH (by the way - that now stands for Scrumptious Official Husband) who immediately seemed to see something in me that few other people saw. So it started - my first ever flight and holiday away, fixing things that previously a male had done, instilling a confidence to do things previously I'd have shied away from. Now, I realise I've got a few important men in my life and they are all bringing something pretty unique to my life:

First and foremost, there is of course SOH - encouraging me (and chivvying me) where I need it and constantly re-assuring me of my right to be in this life.

Then there is my personal trainer JC - who not only trains me but helps me see things from a different perspective. So this last week or two has been a bit difficult - I had a weeks holiday, ate and drank too much so the training was hard - and now of course, its that time of year when my Asthma will be a bit twitchy, and the weight loss has stalled .......... but he understands me - he 'gets' me, and he brings me books and articles to read that help re-inforce the good messages and take away the bad. He has patience when I can't quite do the reps and real delight when I succeed.

Now there is also my driving instructor - Guy! A Saint in disguise I think.................. I've had about 12 lessons so far - and don't forget we live in the land of hill starts, bendy lanes and winding roads. Now I'm driving in my own car, I seem to have had a little set back in confidence..... does he care? He certainly does and with a smile on his face we trot round and round the car parks of Kingsbridge (a local town) until I'm 'Happy, Happy, Happy'. Today gave me an everlasting memory - going across a junction, I decide to go in front of a 4x4 which was a bit closer than I guessed - the driver gave me a look that said 'I can't believe you just did that', Guy very gently said ' I probably would have waited till he'd gone past'........ and I am still smiling at that instead of berating myself for ever!

Lastly of course, I have the big Man upstairs on my side as well........... a new(ish) addition to my life but a huge part of it.

So with all these lovely blokes in my life I believe a new more confident chapter in my life is slowly but surely opening up before me - don't you think??? As for needlework - I still don't do it..................

P.S The picture is of Rosie and Archie in the back of Betsy my Smart car................ Cute or what??

1 comment:

Mari said...

Hi Liz, gosh it's been so long since I've stopped by and read any posts, hope all is well. Thank you so much for being there through my tough path :)
came by to invite you to check out my new blog, hope you'll stop by and say hello